DON'T PANIC

You were asking?   19. Architecture student. Queer, relatively closeted. Costa Rican. Lover-of-life-and-fantasy-and-fiction. /// I read because one of these days I'm going to get out of this town, and I'm going to go everywhere and meet everybody, and I want to be ready.

mollydobby:

An Attempt to Eff the Ineffable - Transcript of “Knock, knock. Who’s There? Benedict Cumberbatch.” from BBC comedy sketch show “Lewis Macleod is Not Himself ” S1E01  (x)

It does a great job with imitating Benedict’s and Martin’s voice and delivery - and its observations are hilariously absurd yet not untrue at the same time. 

“Ricky Gervais”: [as David Brent] Morning, Tim! Tim Bowler, Timbory-Tim, Timbory, Tim, Timbory Tim, Timboree! What are you doing?

“Martin”: Oh, er, you know, I’m just, you know, er … gazing despairingly at the camera like a perplexed hamster, as is my duty as the put-upon everyman character.

“Ricky Gervais”: Well, well, you know, just to whisper in your shell-like [?] *laughs raucously* - the new guy starts today. I said you could show him the ropes.

“Martin”: Fine, er … when’s he coming?

“Benedict”: [Sherlock voice] I’ve been observing you from the reception area for the last half an hour. That is to say, I’m already here. Don’t feel bad for not noticing me sooner. When I stand very still and don’t speak, I can easily be mistaken for an incredibly ornate and attractive hat stand. The kind you find in an antique shop that doesn’t have any price tags. Don’t touch - you can’t afford. Hello.

“Martin”: Good … er … yeah, good gracious. Erm, what are you?

“Benedict”: My name is long and ridiculous, like my face. They call me Benedict Cumberbatch.

*fairy tale harp chords* [medieval choral chant] Ben-ne-dict Cum-ber-baaatch!

“Benedict”: Don’t worry, that always happens.

“Martin”: Uh, OK, right, yeah. Um, OK, well, so, let’s give you the tour. Well, we’ve got, you know, the photocopier here …

“Benedict”: Pish, posh, and Duchy biscuits. You don’t think I actually care about your tedious office, do you?

“Martin”: Well, no, but I sort of imagined you’re here because -

“Benedict”: Oh, you beautifully obtuse little turnip of a man. I’m here because after Sherlock and the Hobbit, I’m now contractually obliged to appear in everything you ever do, shall do, have done, have so much as considered doing – don’t you understand, we go together like bangers and mash, like cream tea and scones, like a put-upon everyman character actor and a big posh flamboyant manic pixie dream boy with cheekbones you could balance a BAFTA on.

Is it a man? Is it several hyper-intelligent cats sitting on one another’s shoulders wearing a latex man-suit? Or is it an incredibly sexy horse that’s learned to walk on its hind legs and talk very very very fast?

“Martin”: Um … sorry, could you repeat all that please?

“Benedict”: No time, get down with me beneath this desk.

“Martin”: Why? Is there someone going to try to kill us or something? Or …

“Benedict”: [dramatic low voice] No, we just need to get uncomfortably close to one other and gaze homoerotically into each other’s eyes. Can you feel the tension? Can you? Can you … do you want to give me a little kiss? Oh you mustn’t - I’m an alabaster Adonis, don’t touch me!

“Martin”:  Um, yeah, OK.  Erm, bit weird, er … but still, less annoying than that Gervais guy. Erm, look, erm … how much longer is this going to go on for?

“Benedict”: For the rest of your life.

“Martin”:  What?

“Benedict”: Now, if you don’t mind, I have to exit dramatically through a window or something, for no reason other than it looks fantastic. Goodbye for now, put-upon everyman character actor. Remember my name.

“Martin”: *sighs* Ahhhh - I’ll never forget you, Bumblebee Cuttlefish! 

(via practicefortheheart)

— 2 weeks ago with 5409 notes

mylifeaskriz:

ruineshumaines:

Liz Climo on Tumblr.

this really cheered me up

(via amandaabbington)

— 2 weeks ago with 575670 notes

dangergays:

my boyfriend broke up with me and my 80 year old 5 foot tall old indian grandmother told me that there are lots of men. i thought she was going to say “in the sea” but she said “they’re like flies” and made a disgusted face. she hates flies

(via khans-vulcan-pet)

— 2 weeks ago with 71118 notes
tigermisu:

There’s this guy that rants everyday about how everyone is sinners at our college and someone made a bingo game to go along with him today

tigermisu:

There’s this guy that rants everyday about how everyone is sinners at our college and someone made a bingo game to go along with him today

(via uke-n-puke)

— 2 weeks ago with 143257 notes
How to escape after being buried alive in a coffin. →

lettuceiscurrentlyinmyasshole:

freakology101:

timesnewromney:

shickhard:

It could happen to anyone. People bury a person alive to scare them or to get rid of them. In this situation, rely only on yourself.

  1. Do not waste oxygen. In a classic coffin there’s only enough oxygen for about an hour, maybe two. Inhale deeply, exhale very slowly. Once inhaled - do not swallow, or you will start to hyperventilate. Do not light up lighters or matches, they will waste oxygen. Using a flashlight is allowed. Screaming increases anxiety, which causes increased heartbeat and therefore - waste of oxygen. So don’t scream.
  2. Shake up the lid with your hands. In some cheap low-quality coffins you will be able to even make a hole (with an engagement ring or a belt buckle.)
  3. Cross your arms over your chest, holding onto your shoulders with your hands, and pull the shirt off upward. Tie it in a knot above your head, like so: imageThis will prevent you from suffocating when the dirt falls on your face. 
  4. Kick the lid with your legs. In some cheap coffins the lid is broken or damaged already after being buried, due to the weight of the ground above it. 
  5. As soon as the lid breaks, throw and move the dirt that falls through in the direction of your feet. When it takes up a lot of space, try pressing the ground to the sides of the coffin with your legs and feet. Move around a bit. 
  6. Whatever you do - your main goal is to sit up: dirt will fill up the empty space and move to your advantage, so no matter what - do not stop and try breathing steadily and calmly. 
  7. Get up. Remember: the dirt in the grave is very loose, so battling your way up will be easier than it seems. It’s the other way around during a rainy weather however, since water makes dirt heavy and sticky. 

JUST TO PROVE TUMBLR HAS A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR FUCKING EVERYTHING.

just in case guys

it could happen to anyone

(via thewinntersoldier)

— 2 weeks ago with 282035 notes

pitynotawidow:

this is my new favourite gif

image

i have never noticed before today that spidey wasn’t real

still laughing about it 3 hours later

(Source: pitynotawidow-archive, via refreshes)

— 3 weeks ago with 521430 notes
"Maybe home is nothing but two arms holding you tight when you’re at your worst."
Yara Bashraheel  (via sundaylatte)

(Source: yarotica, via virginx)

— 3 weeks ago with 517120 notes
giants0rbiting:

I LITERALLY THINK THIS EVERY TIME THE SONG COMES ON

giants0rbiting:

I LITERALLY THINK THIS EVERY TIME THE SONG COMES ON

(Source: ratladyme, via weeping-angels-take-the-ponds)

— 3 weeks ago with 79473 notes
karolenius:

ivegotabanana:

kittiezandtittiez:

Dad’s adopted

Mom’s DNA Game is STRONG. 

i need this hair color 

karolenius:

ivegotabanana:

kittiezandtittiez:

Dad’s adopted

Mom’s DNA Game is STRONG. 

i need this hair color 

(via letsboldlygomotherfuckers)

— 3 weeks ago with 181392 notes
comradekatie:

“I may not have been sure about what really did interest me, but I was absolutely sure about what didn’t.”  -Albert Camus (The Stranger) 

comradekatie:

“I may not have been sure about what really did interest me, but I was absolutely sure about what didn’t.”  -Albert Camus (The Stranger) 

(via blancobain)

— 3 weeks ago with 100084 notes

t0tally-pers0nal:

Let’s “cuddle” and when I say cuddle I mean aggressively makeout and grab me everywhere

(via faptop)

— 3 weeks ago with 551491 notes
sherekahnsgirl:

cartoonpolitics:

"A person of good intelligence and sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it’s not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street" ~ George Carlin

This man was a pure genius.

sherekahnsgirl:

cartoonpolitics:

"A person of good intelligence and sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it’s not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street" ~ George Carlin

This man was a pure genius.

(via thatmissunderstoodkid)

— 3 weeks ago with 128973 notes

ukrainiangirlfriend:

marnla:

Never forget

WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS PHOTOSHOOT I LOVE IT

(Source: malfoysmirks, via iminshock-look-ivegotablanket)

— 3 weeks ago with 225324 notes